Monday, April 24, 2006

Boys are dirty!

Let's just say that the red carpet was not quite as unfurled for the second visit, cleaning-wise.

That bathroom. Dear gods. Nothing will get that many layers of toothpaste globbies out of the sink short of napalm. And I CAN NOT stress enough, the importance of a bath mat.

Other than the messiness that is my love's apaprtment, it was the perfect weekend.

Per. Fect.

Here's something my manz concoted, with a little help from me.

1. The evil villain summons a ball of energy to destroy the Earth in five minutes. You…
a) Stall for time, knowing (like DBZ) this five minutes will take forty episodes.
b) Run like hell for that last piece of cake you were saving.
c) Selflessly throw yourself at the villain, only to find out he was just kinda gay for you.
d) Realize that you’ve been on peyote for, like, six days and it might be all in your head?
Of course I would normally go with D, peyote. However...what kind of cake are we talking about here? Because if "Cheese" or "Red Velvet" is the prefix, then most definitely B.

2. Waffles or a straight bottle of Worcesth… Worchse… Worschestshcesiter… you know what I’m asking.

Waffles, Belgian Waffles

3. 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000?
a) Hair.
b) A bunny in a snowsuit?
c) I’ve determined the velocity of my homework so well that it could be anywhere in the universe.
d) Yitzak Rabin.

I will, of course go with my own answer, B. A bunny in a snowsuit.

4. You want soup or salad with that?

If you have Bleu Cheese Vineagrette, then salad. If you have Ministrone, then soup. If you have neither, then lemons. If you have both, then Billy Idol. With Lemon.

5. Of the movies, “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves”, “I, Robot”, “Johnny Mnemonic”, and “Steel Magnolias”, which one would you most likely show at your nephew’s bris?

I have a nephew? What has my brother been up to? "School", indeed!

a) You didn’t ask anything.
b) Yes, I did.
c) My hair smells like tumescence!
d) I always wear flip-flops in the shower!

After this weekend, I will always wear flip-flops in yourshower.

7. Alan Rickman stars in a new action/thriller/comedy/drama about a man with one leg who must save a young boy from his psychotic, axe-wielding mother at Christmas-time, all while resolving his commitment issues with his girlfriend, Shirlena. What is the title?


8. Who would you more like to see as a Celebrity Jedi Chef? Dennis Hopper or Sidney Poitier?

Hopper. But only if he screams at the top of his lungs "HEINEKEN?!? FUCK THATSHIT!!! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!

9. It’s about 50 ft at a 23 degree angle to the green. You’re in the rough, the sun is in your eyes, and there’s a stiff wind from the northeast. Do you
a) Call in an airstrike and nuke those bastards to hell!
b) Calmly inform Reginald that no, you won’t be having “the usual” today, and Susan can put away the bottles.
c) Slowly disrobe and adopt a pose of placid contemplation.
d) Hum the “Meow Mix” song.

Meow meow meow meow/meow meow meow meow/meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!

(I actually had to hum that as I typed all those 'meows' to ensure I got it right)

10. You turn your Bag of Holding inside out, effectively creating an uncontained infinite space in a finite space. The limits of reality warp and you are now able to instantaneously go anywhere without moving at all. Where do you go besides Hoboken, NJ?

Billy Idol's Lemon Slice.


kimberlina said...

boys are insanely dirty. unless you are lucky like my friend star and get one that happens to LIKE to clean.

seriously. that's the only contentious issue i have with my boy. he's a horrific cleaner! i've even tried using a chart, but to no avail.

buy those target method biodegradable cleaning wipes. trust me, they're so easy, even the boy will use them.

B.O.B.I. said...

I *did* use them!

Clean wipes for the win!

Thank you for a wonderful weekend, sweetie. I'm glad my bathroom didn't detract too much from the fun. I love you and miss you so much!

But I'll see you soon! KISSES!

Bee said...

Sweetie, she's talking about the cleaing wipes you use on your Surfaces, like your bathroom counter, etc. Not the ones you wipe your hands off with.

Actually, he *did* use one of those to clean. His keyboard. Well, half of it.