Friday, December 30, 2005

Clickety Click Click

Swanky Gruel is up! Please click the linkety link link on my sidebar and read all my articles. Because I? Am Awesome.

Friday, December 23, 2005


It's the friday before Christmas and I soooo don't feel like going to work. What I actually feel like doing is staying home and baking all day.

I hope everyone out there has a nice holiday. If you celebrate Xmas, then Merry Xmas!

My parents didn't buy anyone Xmas presents this year. Instead they made a donation in everyone's names to St. Jude's Children's Hospital, which is a cancer research & treatment hospital that treats sick kids, no matter what their finanicial status is. It's an awesome notion, and I was happy to sacrifice a bunch of little gifts for this much worthier cause.

Plus, my birthday is in 3 weeks so I'll have that satisfying tearing-open of gifts then.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Self-Portrait Friday

Your results:
You are Catwoman
Wonder Woman
Iron Man
Green Lantern
The Flash
You have had a tough childhood,
you know how to be a thief and exploit others
but you stand up for society's cast-offs.
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

In keeping with tradition....

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I'm sleepy, splotchy, and one eye is bigger than the other. But Revel in the sexiness!!!

Friday, December 09, 2005

New Photo Fun!

My dad let me borrow his *sweet* camera, so I've been clickety click clicking away. Here are a few self-portraits....

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Monday, December 05, 2005

Hey wait! Maybe I AM a cliche!

Because I am a woman, and I do love the shoes. I love the shoes so much, in fact, that I purchased a pair of Bandolinos for $78 this weekend, a steal!

Only thing is, I AM frugal nowadays (now that I have to spend my own money that I earn) so it seemed a little self-indulgent to me. But really, let's break it down.

I'm not married, I've got no kids, so really I only have money to spend on my bills, my cats, and myself. And that? Is awesome. Call me shallow (or don't, whichever) but there is something that feels SO GOOD about waking up on a saturday after working a 52 hour week, telling Josh Holloway "it's time to wake up, honey" and spending the day in World Market, Pier 1, Target, and so on and so on. Best purchase of the week was a tie between my faux-fur shrug and my Bill Maher "I'm Swiss!" DVD. I also got Eddie Izzards "Definite Article" which is awesome, but 'Dress to Kill' will always be my #1 fave.

By the way, a big "I Wish" on the Josh Holloway thing.

My friend Sally had a Hot Liquor party this weekend. I never knew how divine hot chocolate could be when teamed up with the right booze. And the eggnog had WISKEY in it, and a lot of it. So anyway, for no other reason other than there wouldn't be a single straight guy there, I glammed out 50's style. I got more compliments on my silver screen look than I've gotten put together all year.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Lost in construction

I know it's been a while, blogger. I've missed you. *Actually*, I've been working 10 hour days and am exhausted. My bad.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

And to reiterate...

For those of you who do not read the Divas blog...

This month marks a year since someone I was close to passed away. To be specific, it was my ex-boyfriends Aunt, who I got to know pretty well in the time that we were together. We did some cooking together, a little shopping, trip to the Zoo. Then she started having trouble moving her neck, and had pain in her shoulder. After a month or so went by, they finally got to the root of the problem; it was ALS, aka Lou Gehrig's disease.

The abridged version of ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) is that it's a muscular neuron disease. Basically, it slowly deprives you of all motor functions and renders your muscles completely usesless, and caused degeneration of the brain and spinal cord.

There is no cure, and most all treatments become pointless after a period of time. It's final, and it's the worst thing to witness someone you care about going through.

I was reading the last book in The Dark Tower series that morning. I had just gotten to the part in the book where Eddie, my favorite character dies. I was crying, but not just crying. I was *sobbing*, full-force body-shaking sobs, complete with snot and puffiness in the face. I sat there thinking, "I can't believe I'm crying like this over a BOOK". Not five minuites later the phone rang. Laura had died. We drove over there to sit with her husband while he waited for the funeral home. I knew this was coming, I was prepared. But I had just seen her the night before, though she may or may not have seen me since at that point she had finally gotten a morphine drip. I had cleaned her face and brushed her hair, held her hand while I read my book, the sound of her breathing machine a heartbeat in the background.

There wasn't going to be anymore brushing hair, no more cooking together, no more trips to the zoo. No more hearing her yell "FUCK!" when I beat her at Scrabble. It was just...the end.

We found out that she had ALS in June. She died in early November. She had five months with a rapidly deteriorating quality of life.

As I said, there is no cure. But there is research in the works. Which is currently being hindered by the current administrations ban on using new stem cells for research. The National Stem Cell Information Site describes Stem Cells as "Serving as a sort of repair system for the body, they can theoretically divide without limit to replenish other cells as long as the person or animal is still alive." The ban needs to be lifted on the research on new stem cells, which are not only invaulable to ALS research, but also Parkinson's disease and a host of others.

Please visit The ALS Advocacy Page as well as the infomation page for HBO's documentary Three Sisters and read about Jennifer Estess, who lived six years with ALS and helped raise millions for research, awareness and advocacy.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

A day spent at the Social Security Office

Just when you think your past is behind turns out that the social security office never processed your name change from your divorce! And you have to spend the day in the small, humid, yucky offices of social security. And you forgot to bring a book.

A a note on that:

Some people should never breed. I saw damn fine proof of that today. Yikes. Of course I count myself in that group. Because I can't even keep fish alive. I can keep cats alive, but mostly because they eat the fish.


I have been invited to a fancy-dress-hot-liquor (and probably Bacon) party! I decided to do it up Sadie Hawkins style and ask someone to be my date. Is it still considered Sadie Hawkins if I asked Crystal?

Staying put, by the way. At least until we get that big scary christian exodus. Then it's Bye Bye Birdie!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Buffy Rules!

Just a note from the land of fandom...

On Bravo's Top 100 TV Characters of all time, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ranks at #13!

That's my girl!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Wicked Trio

I amended my blog links for my 3 favorite geek boys, Dane, BOBI, and Adam. I decided it was kind of mean to put them in numerical order, so now they are all my fake boyfriends in equal measure. What a hussy I am.

So I got this new job. It's very dusty. And I don't get paid sick days. You find that a lot when you work in some kind of service industry. It's to discourage technicians from being out sick. But I get sick, like, a lot. At least twice a winter and once in the spring.

And I'm still considering moving to Greenville. I'm getting to the point I never thought I would get to. I'm getting sick of Columbia. I grew up in such a tiny craphole town, that being here seemed so vogue. Now I just kind of feel "meh" about it. Plus, I want to NOT live near any Ex's. To quote Sex & The City: "I'd always imagined running into my ex and his new wife. Except in my scenario, It was with a truck."

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

New Feature! Recognize!

I just made a public photo album. Well, I just started it.

Check it out.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Stop me before I hit the pay per view!

Okay, pretty typical week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday = work, work, work. Thrusday = got fired. Huh? Wait, rewind? Yeah, got fired. Came home at noon a big ol' snot ball, with scary prom queen mascara running down my face and DAMMIT, did I just get fired or what? Uh, yeah. I so did. So back to it being noon yesterday. I walk in the door and have a total Cordelia moment "Excuse Me, I have to call EVERYONE I have EVER MET Right Now!!!" Called my friends and other persons, cried, shock shock shock. *Ding!* Idea Light! Let's have a cocktail! Absolut + Cranberry Juice = the cure for crying. Yay! Now I'm totally unemployed AND I've got a buzz!

Anyway. Thought I might ride the unemployment tide while Georgie Boy still lets people HAVE unemployment. Then I can do something I've always excelled at, which is Lounging. I have a fucking GOLD medal in Lounging. How do you think I keep up with so many TV shows? Now I will have to add daytime TV to my retinue. Although I'm hoping I can just catch Reruns of Quantum Leap instead of having to resort to watching Passions. EEK!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Motley Crue Tribute Bands are So Boring!

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A lot of people have been asking me when I'm going to start dating again. UUUUGH. For the time being, I'm in a 'chubby' way (see above photo) and don't feel up to dating. But the other reason would be is that I've sent an unattainable goal for myself. I want a guy who is at least 30, who is a nerd but not a dork. There is a fine line between the two and so few realize it. For example, I'd like a guy who loves Star Trek TNG as much as I do but maybe dosen't drop a bunch of money to build a Lego-replica of the Enterprise? Or say...a guy who has read Slaughterhouse 5 and has even less of a clue as to what was going on as I did, but decided to give Cat's Cradle a try anyway. Or the guy who will WATCH Revenge of the Nerds, but won't Quote from it.

Is that guy out there anywere? Maybe, but am I ready for him? Probably not.

Who Knew?

Who knew a halloween-themed cosutme wedding would be so much fun? My friend Sallie's wedding was the most fun wedding I've been to...ever. No boriing scripture-reading, no goofy groomsmen antics, no ugly bridesmaid dresses. Everyone was in costume, and? Candy! After the wedding Tara and I danced all night at Art Bar, where I lost both of my earrings and had a drag queen throw a cosmo at me, which made it pretty much the perfect night. I took my disposable camera to get them put on CD so I could post them, but the cd burner in the photo lab was down so i will have to scan them. My favorite costumes this year were The Princess Bride (she dressed up like Buttercup, he like Wesley), Gizmo from the movie Gremlins, Darth Vadar (the guy was like SEVEN feet tall, I think he must have had to ordered the Actual Vadar costume from the movie), and "Big Pussy" Bompensera, from The Sopranos.

Did I mention the part about the Candy?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

It's all about me, for a change.

This weekend was all about me, me, and me! After last week's throes of misery, I decided to be very sweet to myself. I bought Season 1 of Lost on DVD, a good chunk of desperately needed winter clothes, and gave myself a project to work on. I got this piano bench from Crystal's Yard Sale which I'm refinishing to either put at the foot of my bed or give to my mom for her birthday coming up. I haven't worked on furniture in so long, it felt good to do something productive and creative. Until the overwhelming fumes from the finish stripping chemicals made me all dizzy.

The change in the weather has go me feeling so good (again, that could be the fumes) that I'm even going to cook today. My oven hasn't been turned on since Troy moved out, hope I still remember what I'm doing. I'm making pot roast, something that I make better than anyone in the entire world, and if anyone wants to challenge that I say 'Bring It!'

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Standing Last In Line When they handed out Brains

One of my very best friends is divorced. Like, no big, so am I. But he, unlike me, gave marriage another shot and got remarried. To the same person. That was almost 3 years ago. This summer, he tells me that they are splitting up. AGAIN, for all the same reasons they split up the first time. THEN last night, while sitting on the couch, eating Cherry Chessecake Ice Cream and watching The Biggest Loser (define Irony) we start talking on the phone and he informs me that they are getting back together. AGAIN.

My reaction was as follows:

Friend: "Oh just FYI, Xtina and I are getting back together."
Me: "Oh HA HA. Very Funny."
Friend: "......."
Me: "Seriously. BAD JOKE, okay?"
Friend: "Not joking!"
Me: ".......Okay...........Stop messing with me! That's not funny!"
Friend: "You know my Brother had a similar reaction"

I told my friend that as long as he "knew what he was getting into" and was happy then I was cool with it. But when comes the point when being a good friend means NOT saying what they want to hear? Like "Hey, man. This chick is going to break your heart again and making you look like a chump. AGAIN." Is that on the 4th time around? Maybe the seventh?

Monday, October 17, 2005

My New Theme Song

Crystal recently posted what would be her Theme Song if she had one.

Well here's mine. I'm tired and don't feel like figuring out how to post a song, so I'll just tell ya. It's called "Wake Up" by a group I recently got into, called Arcade Fire.

Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little god's causin rain storms turnin' every good thing to

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

Trust me when I say it sounds better than it looks.


Thursday, October 13, 2005

New Favorite Thing

My new favorite website is Pictures of Walls. Here are my picks:

Break it Down!!!

THAT'S where my Dog went.

Crystal, Ash...Just for you peeps.

Good to know the Ninjas and I agree on Something.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Worlds Crappiest Digital Camera

I take my own damn mug shots, Thank you.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Was thinking about love today. Not the companionable, peaceful, satiated kind of love but the self-depreciating, heart-wrenching kind of love that makes you constantly feel like you just got kicked in the balls (whether you have balls or not).

There's this guy I used to work with, who I have been very good friends with for a long time. Of course I've been completely in love with him for five out of the seven years we've known each other, and of course he's only ever "loved me as a friend".

I realized today, after he replied to my biannual "how are things" email how much I still love him, no matter how much he doesn't love me. He's not even that great of a guy! If you were to ask me now "WHAT is it about him you just can't live without?" I honestly wouldn't know what to tell you. I just feel like my heart is tied to a string, tethered to his.

Of course realizing this makes me feel even more like Ducky from Pretty In Pink.

Ashley, If you're listening...

Here is a playlist for ya. Enjoy.

Track 1 - Earth Angel - Death Cab for Cutie
Track 2 - Tunnels (Neigborhood #1) - Arcade Fire
Track 3 - Your Cover's Blown - Belle and Sebastian
Track 4 - Ride the Wild Wave - The Oranges Band
Track 5 - Squares - The Beta Band
Track 6 - We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists
Track 7 - To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
Track 8 - Twin Cinema - New Pornographers
Track 9 - Precious - Depeche Mode
Track 10 - Wires - Athlete
Track 11 - My Doorbell - The White Stripes

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Courtesy of Crystal...

What bands/songs when they come on do you reach up and change?
Celine Dion, R. Kelly, Michael Bolton (just DIE already!!!)

What is currently underneath your bed?
Suitcases, dust bunnies, random shoes and a 'back' massager.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
My mom's homemade vegetable soup. MMMM mmm.

Favorite character from The Simpsons?
Comic Store Guy.

Favorite superhero?
A tie - Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Gambit of the X-Men.

Worst hair disaster?
19 years old - drinking lots of Icehouse (hurl) and cutting my bangs to be less than an inch long.

Best Christmas present ever?
My Dremel set and tool kit I got 2 christmas' ago.

Favorite sandwich filling/favorite thing to eat on toast?

Worst advice you've ever been given?
I rarely listen to advice when It's given, so this question is someting of a moot point.

Letterman or Leno?
Dave. Gotta have the Dave.

What are you most afraid of?
Fire. and Cockroaches that fly.

What position do you sleep in?
On my side with one leg outside the covers.

Would you rather freeze to death or burn?
Thats easy. Gimme that freezing any day.

Have you ever sucked dick for coke? If yes, then what are you doing later??
No, but Bob Sagat has.

5 Funniest People:
1. Me
2. Joss Whedon
3. Dane Cook
4. Eddie Izzard
5. Jeneane Garafolo

What singer would you like to perform with?
Lauren Ambrose. I know she's not offically a 'singer' but DAMN that girl has got some pipes. Did anyone see that episode of Six Feet Under when she sang that verson of "you light up my life" about her pantyhose?

What's your movie fantasy?
MMM. Getting to know David Bowie's Goblin King in Labryinth, Bringing Ewan McGregor around to the females in Velvet Goldmine.

Sometimes when you're walking around, do your balls get sweaty?

Friday, October 07, 2005

The progidal Brother Returns

My baby brother is coming to town today! We plan on being at Hunter-Gatherer for the Hungry Models, who have a sound I can olny describe as "Retro Grit".
It will actually be the first time It's been just me & him here together. I've usually had one bum or another here so I'm fairly excited by the prospect of a less-tense weekend. My brother tends to not like anyone I date, or marry, or live with in a roommate situation. Probably dosen't help that most of my roommates have either tried to get him high or have sex with him. He's more of a "i'll get high and screw on my OWN time, thankyouverymuch." kind of guy. Plus with him being here gives me an excuse to see Serenity (again).

Oh! And I FINALLY got my digital Camera. True, it's Suppossed to be for work, but don't think I won't take it out with me this weekend. You can get some really quality blurred shots of peoples ears when you're partying

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Who's your male Buffy soul mate?
brought to you by
Your Daddy Is Dick Cheney

What You Call Him: Papito

Why You Love Him: He gives good spankings

Monday, September 12, 2005

art bar
you are The Art Bar!
and if you don't know it, try it.......

What Columbia Bar are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I feel no wiser

If Crystal was here right now, I'd get her to take a picture of my swollen lower lip with her camera phone. It's just randomly swollen. I guess it's from my wisdom tooth which is bound & determinded to break throught today.

Nothing like having a mysteriously swollen lip and randomly tasting blood all day.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

As I get Older...

Things just seem to get more randomly upsetting. The series finale of Six Feet Under had me bawling, I came in to work today and my boss says one thing that has me boo-hooing for an hour. I need a vacation, but one preferably without Troy. Because that is no vacation to me, that's just stress in a different zip code. Maybe what I need is a regiment, a routine. Exercise, facials, manicure, reading complex literature.

Yeah right. Battlestar Gallactica is on, pass the cheetos.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Out of Commission

Been sort of Lost in Diaryland this summer. With so much going on at work and at home I haven't been posting on any forums, visiting any quirky websites, or doing any kind of crafting lately.
My boyfriend is about to turn 33 and last night we had "the talk" as in "should we work it out or call it quits" talk. Why is it that the only time he talks like a mature, reasonable adult is when I'm thinking about leaving him? We decided to give it one last push, but we are definitely changing a thing or two. Will it work out this time? Who knows, all you can do is brace yourself and hope for the best.

Work has been extrememly busy and hectic, I've barely had time for myself or anyone. Our once-empty offices (inhabited for a time by only myself) is now filled with furniture, successories (bleah) and people. I've been given more responsibilites, or rather, my responsibilites have been more streamlined. I come in some days at 7:00 am and sometimes don't leave until nearly 7:00 p.m. Just please don't make me salaried!!!

In the few hours of the day that I do have to myself away from work, I've tried to spend it with my friends. Unfortunately I haven't gotten much time to spend with Ash & Crystal, and that's something I intend to rectify. (Hee! Rectify!) One unfortunate side affect of hanging with (some) of your girlfriends is a tendancy to girlie beer, aka Woodchuck draft Cider, which leads to me smoking WAY too much for someone that quit over a year ago. So I'm on the patch now..and let me say those bastards who advertise this thing need to let you know how freaking annoying the little fucker can be. First it itches, BADLY, then comes the dull throbbing pain that lasts about 24 hours until it's time to apply the patch in a new spot for all new discomfort. Am I rambling? Maybe a side effect of having nicotine infused into my bloodstream through my skin.

Oh! And i got a new haircut & color, it looks great, Hopefully I'll have some pics to post soon.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 82%!
Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 66% on survivalpoints
Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

What did you expect?

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.


Take the MIT Weblog Survey

Monday, June 20, 2005

Life paralells TV...Oh Boy!

Anyone who was as obsessed with Carnivale as I was might agree. First we thought Scudder was good. Then we found out that Scudder was evil. And not just evil, he was EEVVIILL. Well, the stray kitty (who about a year ago I aptly named...Scudder) whose leg I so nobly paid $185 to have fixed I once thought was good, but as it happens is Evil. EEVVIILL. Or just bored. She has clawed off the screen from my porch and eaten about three inches of the laundry room door. I guess the Purina adult formula is lacking the fiber she needs. Now If only I could be stranded on an Island with Sayid from Lost and Kyle (shirtless, of course) from The 4400.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I've got a date...

With Chris Martin. Sept. 9th in Charlotte. BACK OFF GWYNETH!!!

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Friday, June 10, 2005

Me and My Guy...

are SO Broke right now. We have a stray kitty who pretty much lives on our front porch (Name: SCUDDER). Last night Troix noticed that her back leg was incredibly mangled, so we rushed her to the vet, dropped $185 on a vet bill and have a very pissed-off cat on our back porch.

Don't try to help, you'll just make it worse.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Series Everyone Should Read At Least Once

  1. Dune Chronicles - Frank Herbert. And I DO mean FRANK Herbert. Not his not-quite-as-talented son, Brian. There are six books in the Dune Chronicles. The First is simply Dune, and if you can get past all the fake histories and quotes it's pretty cool. There are mind-reading Witches, Fat Scabby Barons, First Love, Giant Worms and many mentions of the word "Womb" which may or may not appeal to you. The other books are, in order, Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, God Emperor of Dune, Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse:Dune. The last 3 books in particular I love because they are so mind-numbingly brilliant. For example, the timeline: The first 3 books take place within a span of Fifty to Seventy years. Then when you jump into book 4 the story picks up some Ten Thousand years in the future. That one in particular makes me wish my head would explode it's so complex. But then you get into Heretics and realize that yet another Ten thousand or so years have passed. Herbert passed away before he could really get started on what was supposed to be the seventh and rumor has it, last installment of the Dune Chronicles. Since then his aforementioned son has been writing prequels to the his Father's work. They're readable, but lack the wonderful layers of Religion, Intrigue, Philosophy and action of the Originals.

  2. Harry Potter J.K. Rowling. Everyone with eyeballs has been inundated with a constant barrage of Harry Potter commercials, merchandise, movies, and 40-year olds dressed up in Robes at the Movie premiers. (Scary). And yes, the movies are great, the movies rock, We love the movies. But seriously consider reading the books. What I love Rowlings in-progress opus is the writing and the story develop as the characters age. The first installment, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone, reads like a kiddy book. Because Harry is a kid. With every book, Harry grows up a little more, and the story gets a little bit darker, a little bit moodier, a bit more dangerous. Stephen King is a self-proclaimed lover of the series, and said he reads them because they're well written "and just fun." If you've been living in a cave for the last 7 or so years the other Books in the Harry Potter series are Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix. Better read them all now because Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out July 16th.

  3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy - Douglas Adams. I can not say enough about this series. It's smart, hilarious, and always just a little bit English. I love these books from Cover to cover! I love that there is a whole planet inhabited by a "Hyperintelligent Shade Of Blue", that there is a Restaurant at The End of The Universe, where the cow comes to your table and says "What part of me will you be having tonight? I've got a lovely Flank!" Not to mention manic depressive robots, guys with 2 heads, Babel fish, living mattresses, dolphins, mice, and improbability drives. The other books in the series are The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, The Universe, and Everything, So Long, And Thanks for All the Fish and Mostly Harmless.

  4. The Books Of The Art Clive Barker. "The Art" here being the ability to manipulate Time and Space, the ultimate Goal of two Very flawed men in The Great And Secret Show - The First Book of The Art. It starts off with the Jaffe and Fletcher, two trying to attain The art, or at least the secret to the art, and progresses there to being disembodied and astrally impregnating four teenage girls. Yeah, you read that right. Barker writing is always so lusty and disturbing, but it's his heroes that stand out. My favorite being Tesla Bombeck, who also plays a major role in Everville, the second Book of the Art. Barker's premise is that there is a whole world behind the world we live in, and it's a place that's holy and sacred and very dangerous. There is an Ocean called Quiddity, some very evil things called the Iad, a guy who lives in a time loop in Trinity, NM moments before the bomb dropped. Only with Barker can Armageddon start in the Dead Letter Office in Omaha, and a lake that never existed fall from the sky. "Succinctly put," says Barker, "it's about Hollywood, sex, and Armageddon."

  5. The Dark Tower - Stephen King. If you're wondering, yes it is based on Browning's "Childe Roland to The Dark Tower Came". King started this Epic and totally Frigging Awesome series in 1978, as a collection of short stories which would later be bound as a novel titled The Gunslinger. The first books starts off with one of the most memorable and badass first lines of all time. "The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed". That's all it took to reel me in. Hook, line, and sinker. The story follows Roland, a kind of knight, the last heir to the throne of Eld (King's version of King Arthur) trying to hunt down the wizard who knows the way to The Dark Tower. Kings mythology surrounding the Tower itself is based on the idea that reality is layered, that behind one World (or Reality or Dimension, whatever you prefer) there lies many, many others. The Dark tower is the linchpin that holds all realities in place. Roland comes to the aid of Jake, a young boy who died in our world but awoke to find himself alone in Roland's. I don't want to give too much away but Jake gets the most brutal bible lesson ever. Roland finally does catch up with the Man in Black, and they have a conversation that lasts for many years (I can't quite recall the number, I think someone once said Ten and someone else said a hundred, but don't take my word for it). Book 2, titled The Drawing of The Three starts off right where the first book left off, with Roland aged many years after only one night, his course set for the Tower. He "draws" from our world Eddie Dean, a young man with a monkey on his back, and Susannah Holmes, a beautiful wheelchair bound woman with an alter ego more dangerous than Roland bargained for, Detta Walker. In Book 3, The Waste Lands, the band of Gunslingers find themselves in the ruins of Lud, a crumbling city not very different from New York, and on board Blaine the Mono, a psychotic train which takes them over land too poisoned to cross. Book 4, Wizard and Glass is Roland's much-anticipated backstory, which gives readers a chance to see Young Roland and his doomed love with the beautiful Ranch girl Susan Delgado. It's this story that gives the clearest insight into Roland, who is not always a lovable (or even likeable) character. It would be too much for me to delve into the other three books, but trust me when I say that The Dark Tower series is King's truest and most poingnant work, and a not-small obsession of mine since the day I picked it up.

Monday, April 11, 2005

I should totally be working right now.

But can't make myself, for some reason. Usually I show a teensy bit of motivation to get the Eff out of here before 8 p.m., but today I just can't muster it. Maybe it's because of an order I nearly screwed up friday, which my "I'm totally hip" boss thought I did screw up. Now, because I caused him to be "Unduly stressed out over the weekend", I have to unpack all these frigging boxes of Toner.

I can't wait until my furniture refinishing business takes off.

We went to visit my brother in Knoxville TN this weekend, which was fun. The part that was NOT fun was the part where we driving through the mountains at night and my windshield wiper kept trying to fly off. Brushes with death...not something I recommend.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

When Wit Eludes You

For some reason I made Feburaury my "Take Pills and be Groovy" month, which is so wierd since I'm not at all into drugs. Needless to say I'm still reeling from THAT month. The good part is, I took all my valium so I won't be tempted to take more. Yay!

Once a month I get together with some of my friends and we have a "girls night". I won't even elaborate on how mad they all got when I rephrased it to Golden Girls Night. Apparently they didn't see the humor. I think it's perfect! I would totally be Dorothy (the mean one), Ash would be Blanche (the, um, 'friendly' one) Crys would be Rose (the sweet one) and CS would be Sofia (the batty one).

What other TV foursomes could we be, I wonder?

How about Seinfeld?

I feel Like I'm Jerry (Sarcastic One) Ash is George (The One that Worries) Crys is Elaine (the Always Caught Off Guard One) and CS is Kramer (The One That is Totally Dramatic) Damn! This is Hard!

Okay, Let's Try it with Buffy.

Obviously, I would like to be Buffy. Who wouldn't? But for GP I'm taking Buffy out of the picture. Instead we'll do sidekicks.
Me= Anya (smartass, clueless)
Crys=Willow (takes a LOOONG time to get a punchline)
Ash=Giles (Good Comebacks, out of character lingo)
CS=Xander (Notice how she's always the goofy one?)

Friday, February 11, 2005

The Top 20 (For Now)

My Current Top 20 Songs right now:

1. Not for all the love in the world - The Thrills
2. Pinback - Loro
3. American Idiot - Green Day
4. Classic Art Showcase - And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
5. Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani feat. Eve
6. Don't Leave the Light On Baby - Belle & Sebastian
7. Disposable Parts - Enon
8. Girls of Wild Strawberries - Guided by Voices
9. New Slang - The Shins
10. I Who Have Nothing - Ben E. King
11. Henry Lee - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
12. A Cautionary Song - The Decemberists
13. Crowning - Toad the Wet Sprocket
14. Pick Up The Change - Wilco
15. Get Right - Jennifer Lopez (shut up)
16. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - Postal Service
17. Child is the Father of the Man - Brian Wilson
18. Never Gonna Fall In Love Again - Snow Patrol
19. Lets Get Lost - Elliott Smith
20. A Hundred Stories - Aloha

Friday, February 04, 2005

Who Cried More? Me or the Delivery Guy?

How much of a turd am I that I made the Thai-Food delivery guy cry? It's not my fault that the bastards that numbered these buildings saw slightly better than Lodz! I just kept yelling into the phone "Eight oh NINE, DAMMIT!!!". And then as I walked out into the parking lot to punch the poor guy, I noticed that the building across the street is 809. I turned around and looked at my building, just to be sure. 809. And no, they aren't 809 Main and 809 Church, they are BOTH 809 Church. No frigging wonder we keep getting other people's mail. By the time he got here, my Thai food was cold, and the delivery guy was cying. I started crying too, I hurt his feelings!
Contrary to what my ex-husband might think, I do care about people. I don't want for anyone to be hurt, and the thought that I could make someone else shed tears...ugh. I should just stick to talking about TV, it's not nearly so emotionally taxing.


So my friend Carla is having one of those tupperware parties tonight that I'm obliged to go to. Except instead of Tupperware, they're selling dildos. Is that the proper spelling of dildo, plural? Or is it dildoes? No, that's not right. Maybe it should be Dildi. Hee! That'd put a new spin on things! Apparantley these things are pretty popular and the people who broker the Dildi do pretty well. They have to be careful in our super-uptight bible belt state though. They can't sell Dildi that don't expressly say on the box "Novelty Item" or they could go to prison. Prison! What a rap sheet that would make! I doubt I'll actually purchase any Dildi though, not when there are good drinks to be had with my money. I can just see myself now, halfway through the "Novelty Item" presentation, somewhere between stifiling giggles and looking at my watch. "Okay, okay, enough of the throbbing cocks, when can I go?"

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Attacking the internet, one Blog at a time.

For some reason I'm thinking Blogger is going to be better than Diaryland and Livejournal. I suppose it's good I'm starting this in the positive.
I was telling my good friend Kim about some old home movies my dad put on DVD for me. I was about Twelve years old, and my dad was filming me and my younger brother playing with puppies in the back yard. I don't know how my twelve-year-old self missed it, but my dad was smoking a joint the whole time he was filming. My childhood must have been way cool. At one point in the video, my mother is attempting humor and says something like "All hands to the bridge, Mr. Solo." and you can hear 12-year-old me in the background go "Mom, it's Mister SULU. GAH!".
There it was, preserved for an undisclosed number of years, proof of my nerdiness.
So that's basically be in a nutshell. I read SciFi (and yes, even the occasional Fantasy series), am obsessed with Law & Order, Television Without Pity, and apparantely blogging. I have cats, not dogs, a mac and a job that lets me sort of coast through the day making pictures in Photoshop of me getting a big kiss from David Boreanaz. Oh, and I enjoy the occasional run-on sentance. Can you tell my major was English? On a side note, I've sort of got a jones to read another Neal Stephenson book, I liked Snow Crash so much. Should I start with Cryptonomicon or go right to Quicksilver?