Monday, October 10, 2005

Was thinking about love today. Not the companionable, peaceful, satiated kind of love but the self-depreciating, heart-wrenching kind of love that makes you constantly feel like you just got kicked in the balls (whether you have balls or not).

There's this guy I used to work with, who I have been very good friends with for a long time. Of course I've been completely in love with him for five out of the seven years we've known each other, and of course he's only ever "loved me as a friend".

I realized today, after he replied to my biannual "how are things" email how much I still love him, no matter how much he doesn't love me. He's not even that great of a guy! If you were to ask me now "WHAT is it about him you just can't live without?" I honestly wouldn't know what to tell you. I just feel like my heart is tied to a string, tethered to his.

Of course realizing this makes me feel even more like Ducky from Pretty In Pink.

6 comments:

Ms. Adventures said...

aw ducky! I've had that feeling about people and it really sucks. What's worse is I've had it about people even though I'm married. It sucked bad cause not only were they not available to me, I'm not available. Makes you wonder why the cards are dealt that way?

Danius Maximus said...

roight, but maybe you don't love him as much as the idea of the two of you together...wow, thats deep. Just remember what my boy Spock said at the end of Amok Time; Having isn't always as good as wanting. noodle that for a while :)

Ima.... said...

Dont you hate that, that they have moved on and we well we are still loving something about them.

remykins

Crystal said...

Aw Bethies!
Let's go have a fried quesadilla and it'll all seem better! :)

Ms. Adventures said...

Bethies can I come with you and Crystal? and eat a baked one? It's all good right?

Mr Danius and his deep thoughts! Go figure!

Bee said...

Fried Foods Soothe the Ravaged Soul. Let's have some peach margaritas while we're at it.