Who Cried More? Me or the Delivery Guy?

How much of a turd am I that I made the Thai-Food delivery guy cry? It's not my fault that the bastards that numbered these buildings saw slightly better than Lodz! I just kept yelling into the phone "Eight oh NINE, DAMMIT!!!". And then as I walked out into the parking lot to punch the poor guy, I noticed that the building across the street is 809. I turned around and looked at my building, just to be sure. 809. And no, they aren't 809 Main and 809 Church, they are BOTH 809 Church. No frigging wonder we keep getting other people's mail. By the time he got here, my Thai food was cold, and the delivery guy was cying. I started crying too, I hurt his feelings!
Contrary to what my ex-husband might think, I do care about people. I don't want for anyone to be hurt, and the thought that I could make someone else shed tears...ugh. I should just stick to talking about TV, it's not nearly so emotionally taxing.

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So my friend Carla is having one of those tupperware parties tonight that I'm obliged to go to. Except instead of Tupperware, they're selling dildos. Is that the proper spelling of dildo, plural? Or is it dildoes? No, that's not right. Maybe it should be Dildi. Hee! That'd put a new spin on things! Apparantley these things are pretty popular and the people who broker the Dildi do pretty well. They have to be careful in our super-uptight bible belt state though. They can't sell Dildi that don't expressly say on the box "Novelty Item" or they could go to prison. Prison! What a rap sheet that would make! I doubt I'll actually purchase any Dildi though, not when there are good drinks to be had with my money. I can just see myself now, halfway through the "Novelty Item" presentation, somewhere between stifiling giggles and looking at my watch. "Okay, okay, enough of the throbbing cocks, when can I go?"