Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My forehead says "Losers! Flock Here!"

Working from home is proving more difficult that I thought. I have to make myself walk away from the computer, and sit down in the kitchen to work. Otherwise I'll spend all day on Blogger and Television Without Pity. A few things that happened yesterday that just screams "FUN!" (and also, 'pattern!'), my ex-boyfriend called me. He wanted relationship advice, of all things. Fine, whatever, happy to help, what's the problem?

"She's tall." And this is a problem?
"She's taller than me." Um. Okay.
"I'm a little bit scared of her." Then...maybe? You shouldn't be dating her! Moron!

Just before I dislodge myself from this oh-so-fascinating discussion, he blurts out

"So when are we gonna knock boots?" Ex-fucking-scuse-me?!?!?

I said "Uh. NEVER. And I can't believe you'd even ASK. You KNOW I'm with someone!!!" At which point he tried to play it off with a "oh you know I'm playin" but by then I had had enough.

So the rest of the night played out as usual. I did some more beadwork, made chili, watched TV and talked to My Heart (who, by the way, I'm so grateful for. Do you guys REALIZE how amazing this guy is?!?). At about 8:00 p.m. I started getting phone calls from this number I didn't recognize. Being a screener, I didn't pick up. Whoever it was didn't leave a message so I didn't pick up the next time they called, half an hour later. They called again at 9, at 9:15, 10:00, and so on. By the time I was ready for bed I was good and pissed. I told Brian that if that damned phone woke me up whoever was on the other end was going to get orally reamed by yours truly.

Guess what?!?

It DID wake me up. I picked up the phone ready to shout "What the Fuck is your PROBLEM?!? Did your mother have any children that Lived???"

It was my cousin Jon. Oops!

Although in retrospect I should have just hung up on him since the only time he ever calls me (once a year, MAYBE) is when he's drunk, high, or both, as I suspect he was last night. Why must I be related to crazy drunk people?!? He wants Brian and I to come 'crash at his place', which I'm sure is a fleabag, and 'drink moonshine'. I'm NOT making this shit up! Moonshine! And for some insane reason, he always wants me to call him "Uncle Jon", at which point I have to shout "You are only FIVE YEARS older than me, asshole! And besides that, we're first cousins!"
THEN he starts on the "you should go back to school" (which is coming out so slurred it sounds like 'nu slhould oh ack schhhholll').

Why is it I'm always being told what's wrong with my life by the most fucked up people in the universe?

Anyway, I'm not upset about it now. I talked to B. right afterwards and was calmed down considerably. So this is for you, B! I love you!!!

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Crystal said...

was this the ex i know? typical him. crAAAAAAAAzy

Just an old hobo said...

Ugghhh...what a creep! Maybe he should stop and think about how weird she might feel dating a guy shorter than her.... Or, maybe he should just stop.

kimberlina said...

i've put the chinese mafia on your ex.

it's being taken care of.

Sleep Goblin said...

oh man, i could use that service kimberlina!! i'll send you a list of names.