Robot!!!!

I am fine, no cause for alarm.

The potential for disaster was there, but someone up there loves me, so no disaster.

But while sitting in the stupid muggy waiting room lookit what I made for my loooooove!




Can I just say...the boy makes me totally. retarded.

More people who think I rock!!!

Everyone go check out my dear friend Skylar's new bloginess. Kimber & Sleepy: I added you guys to her blog links, because we are trying to get a craft section of Swanky Gruel up and running. I thought she could look at your respective crafts for ideas.

Kimberlina: we are opening up our own chapter of GFSS here, except it will be called Columbia Craft Mafia. I've already confessed to not being a crafter, but I've been assured I'm in good hands. They's gonna train me up!

Sweet!

To quote Ashley "AWW SAD!"

Bobi is not feeling well!!!

It drives me nuts that he's sick and I can't do so much as hand him a Halls. Dammit.

One of my best friends took off saturday, went to Oklahoma and didn't tell me until right before she was getting ready to leave. She's moving there with her ex-fiancee (i guess now current fiancee?) who I don't really know. What I do know about him, or more specifically their relationship, bothers me. From what I reacall when they were together the first time, they were kind of into Third Parties and Subs. My reaction to which was a resounding "erm. Okaaaaay...." but that was her decision. When they broke up she started dating a really great guy, who is really and truly in love with her. Now that she's gone back to the other guy, I have to wonder if love was what she really wanted all along. She says it is, but how can you love someone who has no qualms about sharing you with other people? And if you love that person, why would you want to share yourself with anyone else? I love my friend and I miss her, but I don't think I'll ever understand her. Another reason she gave for leaving was that she wanted Financial Stability. Which to me, is the worst possible reason (next to a coke habit) to be with someone. And it only gives ammo to men who hate women. Not naming names.

On another front, please send all your prayers to Cindy, Doc & Baby Eli.

Eli was premature, and spent the first few months of his life (he is now 4 months old) in NICU. The birth was extremely difficult for Cindy and the baby, and both were very sick. A few weeks ago, Eli had a grand mal seizure and has had at least one more since then while in ICU. The worst part is that the Hospital social worker and Department of Social Services is now investigating Cindy and Doc for shaken baby syndrome, even though a Doctor, a Medical Professional has conceded that his symptoms are not consistent with SBS, but *probably* had to do with the fact that he received 3 hepatitis vaccines as a premature newborn. Not that I'm a doctor, but DUH.
Apparantely 8 out of 13 families with children in Pediatric ICU in this town are being investigated by Horry County DSS for abuse. Which seems like a kind of high number.
Cindy is having to deal with the hell that while her infant is in the hospital, having blood drained from his head, he has already been removed from her custody and she has been pretty much told to expect to be arrested today.
I can't tell you how outraged this makes me. They've spoken to someone who runs an organization about how commonly SBS is misdiagnosed. If you google it, the number would appall you. I plan to help in any way I can, but in the mean time baby Eli is very very sick, and could use everyones well-wishes.

*cry*

Some days it feels like the whole worlds gone crazy.
Love you guys.

Pictacles!!!!

While IM'ing Sleep Goblin all night, I decided to scan old photos! Sweet!

Hey Jeepers! Check this shit out! (Point if anyone can name what that line is from)



A younger, crankier me.


Check out my shoes though! My dad gave me these and I wore them for TEN YEARS! Purty!


My first ever perm! Also note Plastic heart ring purchased at book fair, no doubt!


Scary Blonde Women! That's Claire, Amy, Shelby, Beth, Trayce, Sara Kate. Or, Me and all my cousins, if you like.


Who can't stop running her mouth long enough to take a freaking picture?


Thanks for keeping me company, Sleepy! Let's start up a Purefoy movie night when I get to MN! We can do it once a month at least!!!

Let's get our numbers down...

Cue Music. Yes, I'm going there, it's friday. "A Little Respect" by Erasure.

9:31 a.m.
Minutes late to work: 21
Number of times loudly exclaimed "Pole Smoker!" in car on way to work: 8
Cups of Thick & Muddy: 2.5
Copies Made: 120
Times sneaked off to bathroom to check out ass in new jeans: 12
Daydreams about Bobi: 9,723.5
Times "Once More, With Feeling" played in head: 2
Male co-workers who have checked out rack: 3
Times the sound of Terry's voice has made me want to stab my neck: 23

11:58 a.m.
Times almost gagged from smell outside: 4
Number of screen toggles: 64
Papercuts: 5
Copies Made: 378
Times sneaked off to bathroom to check out ass in new jeans: 22
Daydreams about Bobi: 17,431
Times thought about finally purchasing 'The Fifth Element' on DVD: 3
Terry Evasions: 9
Times Phyllis' wet cough has made me think about Kimberlina: 3
Crying Fits: 2

3:38 p.m.
Number of times I've been blessed out since lunch: 2
Number of screen toggles: 80
Papercuts: 12
Copies Made: 392
Times sneaked off to bathroom to check out ass in new jeans: 22 (0 since lunchtime)
Daydreams about Bobi: 17,490
Times thought about finally purchasing 'The Fifth Element' on DVD: 5
Terry Evasions: 17
Times Phyllis' wet cough has made me think about Kimberlina: 0 Phyllis went home to 'tend her horses'.
Crying Fits: 3

***

I can't leave for another 12 min. ARGH!!!

To pass 10 of those 12, here is a list of stuff I Don't do:

Craft - I paint, refinish, and do art stuff. But I can't make anything useful, functional, or even remotely aesthetic.

Jigsaw Puzzles - Fuck THAT headache.

Pay attention to the time - Always too early or too late.

Handle Criticism Well - At least I can admit it!

Fisting - enough said.

Sleep - O Sleep, my long lost love. Come back to me!

Wear Blue - I don't think I have a single blue shirt. Couldn't tell you why.

Spell - whutz a speilchezch?


Happy Fucking Friday!!!

Only you can prevent Florist Friars.

Today I must stop putting off going to the gym. Especially after yesterday.

I wore this dress...


That's me on the far left in the black & white.

Keep in mind this photo was taken in August. The dress fit then. So I wore it yesterday because a)I'm too lazy to unpack and b)They can't make me do anything too 'physical' (lifting, carrying, etc) if I'm all dressed up. So I put the dress on to discover it was now like 2 sizes too big. Had I lost THAT much weight? So I was pretty happy about that. Happy enough to eat 1 cheesestick, 1 slice Hawiian pizza, a TON of candy and ice cream cake at Penelope's birthday party.
I guess I'm trying to fill the dress back out. Hence today = gym.

Also, everyone needs to take note of my new link for Bad Movies.Org, which is good for hours of entertainment when you should be working.

Have I mentioned how badly I miss Brian? I thought by now it might go without saying.
So I said it anyaway.

Hey! remember Garbage Pail Kids?

Feeling Somewhat Better...

Yesterday was rough.
Today was not fun, but it has been a little bit better, knowing it puts me another day closer to Bobi's upcoming visit to SC. Welcome to the south, darlin!

I am so excited! I've got him reading The Dark Tower! My mostest favorite series of books in the WORLD! I love having discussions (especially the in-person variety) on the story, the philosophy behind it. I can't wait for heated debate with my love on parallel realities followed by groping sessions. Score!

That's it. I must reread books 2-7 now.

::grope::




"Yet suppose further. Suppose that all worlds, all universes, met at a single nexus, a single pylon, a Tower. And within it, a stairway, perhaps rising to the Godhead itself. Would you dare climb to the top, gunslinger? Could it be that somewhere above all of endless reality, there exists a room?...

"You dare not."

In Re: /Cry

You're welcome, x5.

These were the best 4 days of my life. After you walked away this morning, I stood in security line, crying the whole time. My eyes wouldn't stop seeing you, my ears wouldn't stop hearing you, my mouth wouldn't stop tasting you. I've never felt such a wrenching apart as I did today, like a part of me was suddenly missing. A phantom pain from something no longer there.
But even through this incredible sadness and heartache, I was (am) grateful. I love you. You love me. We wouldn't feel this sad at being apart if we didn't know we couldn't live without each other. I never thought I would find anything so right, so real, so true.

As for crying, I'm doing my share right now. I came home to realize it isn't anymore. It's empty. Home just isn't without you, cooking me spagetti while singing songs from Grease, giving me galloping piggyback rides or just looking over and smiling at me. I need to gross you out with my love of rare steak. I need to try that 'Wonderboy' duet again. I need to open my eyes in the morning and see you beside me. I need to wake you up with my laughing over the silliest dream. I need to let you beat me at M:TG some more. So don't cry, love. Know that I feel the same, that I miss you more than anything, and I love you more than everything.

And thank you so much for this, Crystal.

Steaks, Shopping, and Frozen Nose Hairs.

It took FORFUCKINGEVER for my flight to get in from Chicago. Those airlines, so unorganized!

Finally I arrived to 18-degree weather, SNOW(!), and this adorable redheaded guy who wisked me away in his big purple van!

After a few games of magic (Bee:1 Bobi: 2) we decided to visit this place called "outside". HOLY SHIT. It was 4 degrees outside! Do you know what happens to your nose hair at 4 degrees?!? It's the most interesting sensation. And not *entirely* unpleasant, just kinda funny.

To all my girlfriends...prepare for envy. We went to the Mall of America friday. There's a Sephora Store there!!! Sephora! I dropped a small hunk of cash in there before schooling Bobi on Sushi. Surprise! He liked it!

But ya'll don't care about all that do ya? You want pictures don't you? Yeah you do. Big Babies. Fine, here you go...


OH GLORY!!! OH JOY!!! You are all so ENVIOUS!!!

That's right, we spent hours wandering around Ikea, trying to choose our favorite diarama! One strange thing of note: I think I only saw 1 bathtub in the whole store.


We liked this mirror so much we had to take a picture of it. Bobi Helped.


Here is a custodian from Mall of America. What's that on his head? It's a big, soft crown hat. I have an idea as to why he was wearing it around. I think it's punishment for being late too many days in a row. I imagined a very Bob Kelso-like boss saying "Late Again Ted?!? You know what this means!" "Not the Crown!". Hee.


Seriously. You just hate me cause you aint me.

More to come. For now I'm going to school Bobi on the wonders of an IHOP breakfast.
Ta.

Travelin' (wo)Man.

Tonight I had some salmon that was absolutely perfect, thanks to my aunt Michelle. I played The Game of Life(!) for the first time ever, and I totally kicked ass! How is it I'm better at that stupid board game than I am at the real thing? (Like I could ever cure the common cold!)

I ended up retiring with 16.5 million dollars, with Twins, and a grandparent to boot.

Keep the kids/grandkids, hand over the loot!

It amazes me how much my 2 'little' cousins have grown. One is twelve, the other ten. I remember when they were just angry pink babies! And now they get crushes on boys and wear flavored lip gloss! How time flies when you're...to self-absorbed to notice anyone but yourself, I guess.

But enough of all that shit! Tommorow, ladies and gentlemen.

Tommorow is the day.

I'm so happy!

Zounds.

Oh HEART!

Lookit at what I stole off of Adam's Myspace comments! My manz! Up close and personal!

You'll have to ask him about the eyebrows yourself, I don't feel like getting into it.

Oh HEART!!!!

Fucking DUANE!!!!

When I was sixteen, I got my first job as a waitress at Pizza Hut. That was back when Pizza Hut actually had wait staff, and you could sit down and actually have beer there!

I worked there off and on for about 3 years. After I had been there about a year, we got a new server. Duane. Fucking Duane.

Duane was best friends with Robbie, who I thought could stop time, move mountains, and turn water into wine. Robbie was the shit. I also believe he started me on the path of preferring men with red hair, isn't that lucky for me now?

Unfortunately, Robbie wouldn't give me the time of day. We were friends, and no matter how many anvils I dropped on his head, he just wasn't going for this. I couldn't figure it out! I was in my prime! Young, Nubile, Fit, a child with an unclouded brow of wonder. What the fuck was his problem?!? Duane was his problem. Fucking Duane!

Like I said, Duane was a cool guy. I liked him a lot. I even gave him a Bruce Lee poster for his birthday, and one of those Weasel Ball toys. I just didn't have those kind of feelings for him. And I TOLD him this, time and time again. Every time he asked me out. "Thank you Duane, but I just don't feel that way about you."

Isn't that the most direct, honest, and therefore best way to tell someone you aren't interested?

Now, through the stalkerly glory of Myspace, Duane has found me again. Oh, joy. We emailed each other a little bit back and forth, mostly me gushing over Bobi, until he said something to the effect of "I was so head over heels for you". Actually he said "head over heals". Gah. To which I replied:

Yeah I remember that. Because I had such a crush on Robbie, and he wouldn't really give me the time of day. Our silly pizza hut love triangle. Oh well, we were so young!

And got THIS in response...

lol yeah you hit the nail on the head there i allways felt that you wanted me a little bit but just not enough to take the plunge but thats good i needed to go through all my bullshit with adriane to really mature and that took quite some time if we had worked together now you wouldnt be able to resist me i know im not the best looking guy but i have learned to work with what i got i still dont think ur a bitch i want to say thank you for allways treating me well a lot of people in bville were so two faced and i usually didnt find out till it was too late but not you a few years after i left thew hut i ran into the other beth her last name escapes me at this time i was at murphys in flo town fukked up out my mine and skied up on powder and i was like making rather lewd but sweet comments to her im glad her hubby wasnt around lol oh god that shit was funny i can be such a pimp when im drunk

What the fuck? So I said...


Erm. What?

I liked you as a person, as a friend. I knew you had a crush on me, but no...I never actually wanted to "go there". Nothing against you, and it's not because of looks. Like I said, I had a thing for Robbie. BIG TIME. As far as treating you well goes...well, I try to always treat people respectfully until they piss me the fuck off.

Furthermore...

'Fukked' is not a word. If you are going to say something, say it right. And, 'skied up on powder'? Trust me, if you ever thought I couldn't resist you, there's the one thing you could say to ensure that I can resist you. For all time. First of all, I have a boyfriend. A great one. Secondly, I hate that shit. I don't touch it, I don't go near it, and I don't go around people who use it. I know you were a cool person once. So please, to keep yourself from losing any further cool points, don't do that shit! And if you are going to do it, don't talk to me about it. Seriously.

There is no such thing as 'lewd but sweet'. It's one or the other, so it was probably lewd. And if you had come up to ME drunk and 'skied up' and making lewd comments, I would have resolutely and unceremoniously punched you in the face, don't need a husband to do it for me. Don't you have a girlfriend?

You know that people use a period to complete a sentance, Duane. Try it, it's neat. Just because it's the internet doesn't mean it's a bad grammar free-for-all, okay?

Have fun at the show tommorow night, and stay away from the blow.


Was that too much?

[EDIT]
My friend Skin just sent me this postcard from HBO.com, from one of the greatest shows EVER, Carnivale...

Wild Turkey was made for Days like Today.

Oh. My. GOD!

Terry has the most annoying voice of any woman on the Planet! This is why I don't like to post from work.

I almost forgot about my big collaboration with Tara this weekend! We're going to be artsy chicks and do a ginormous collage. We've never done a collaborative piece before so I'm terribly excited. Saturday morning we'll scavenge for materials, and get some thrift shopping in while we're at it. Anything to keep my mind off of how slowly the next 6 days are going to pass. I promise to update with pictures of the worlds oddest collage, as well as my rockin' new hair!

A few notes on my effing job:

Would anyone like to know what a 'Dewatered Bio-Solid' is?
I'm betting not!
How about 'WWT Sludge'? Or simply, 'Residual'?

If I counted how many times per day I almost barf...


Seriously, Could I be any cuter?

I'd get some work done if I could stop crackin' this whip!

[EDIT]I re-thought this whole entry and decided "lame!"

I've decided it's grouchy night.

So there.

Happy Anniversary, Blogger!

Blogger has offically had the joy of my posting for a year now!

I am so. amazingly. mind-numbingly. bored.

Terry is making me reconcile old A/R stuff. Kill me now!

Damn that Terry!

Today can't be all bad...new 'Lost' tonight. Looks like Sun might get kidnapped by the others. I hope not, Sun rocks!

Back to my Excel spreadsheet.
Bastards.

Ice Cube would agree! It was a good day!

Today started off in typical mundane fashion. With work.

Then, glory of glories! My tax returns arrived at last! Now I don't have to sweat having travel money for my trip next week. (omg! next week! tingles!)

I did use a portion of the money for productive stuff. Like, I joined that gym down the street from my office. It's a 24-7 place so I can now put my insomnia to good use! It's 6 a.m.! That's no time for saddlebags!

I also took my best girl Crystal to Heros and Dragons, Columbia's biggest comic book store, where she drooled over the Angel comic book and I bought magic cards. We made a stop by Manifest discs and tapes, where I got a *sweet* Superman mini lunch pail (perfect size to hold my magic decks) and the new Cat Power cd (On Sale!)

Of course to celebrate joining a gym, what's better than pigging out on chinese food? Nothing! After weeks of eating hardly anything, it was downright euphoric to bury my face in a plate of chow mein. Take THAT, saddlebags!

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, I love Bobi! He's the most awesome, adorable, loveable guy in the whole wide world, and he makes me happier than Christmas!

Even this Christmas!

Maybe next time I'll just say I prefer European Football.

I think I've done my last superbowl party.

I think I missed out on that young adult rite of passage, the keg party. If I had gone to more of them, I would have been more prepared for the general douchebaggery abounding.

Tell me...why do people want to freeze their asses off standing outside to try to fill their glasses with flat, disgusting beer? And please tell me that there is someone else out there in my age range who has never heard of a keg stand. Thank every god that ever was that I did not get roped into that shit. My friend did, but it's probably because she's cuter and less-standoffish.

I did manage to look nice last night. Sparkly black tank top, white fuzzy cardigan over, Jeans, boots. I even fixed my hair.
None of this did any good. Becuase that was just the WRONG audience for low-cut tank tops. I had 3 separate attempts for a feelski. I got annoyed and buttoned my sweater all the way up.

For a little while, I felt like my old self again. Not in a good way. Let's just say...'The Bitch Was Back'.

My friend was outside playing around with the guy who was hosting the party. When his roommate decided "Let's play football! For real!" and tackled her. She's recovering from a broken foot, for one. So I knew that was going to hurt. It felt like slow-motion as I saw his knee collide with her nose. Mac (my gracious host) and I rushed over and got her up. Mac took her to the bathroom to make sure the Walking Bottle of Jagermeister hadn't broken her nose. I stood outside and tried not to punch him in his stupid, drunk, retarded frat boy face.

"THAT. Was fucking RUDE."
"Wha? I do something?"

I wanted to turn green I got so angry. I wanted to bitch-slap him for every time my ex-boyfriend had broken into my house, or every time he fell asleep sitting straight up with the fucking stove on. Why can't everyone be a fun drunk like me? I giggle, I laugh, I spill things and occasionally flash people, though wether by accident or on purpose I'm not sure. Reports vary.

Needless to say I was never so happy to be home in my LIFE.

I hope Mac doesn't read this. And if he does...

Mac, dear. You put on what I'm sure what quite a good party. Just not for me. I've always been sort of an antisocial, when "social" involves beer and rambunctious boys. The food was quite tasty though! I did enjoy that queso dip you made! And the music selection was perfect! You know I could never get sick of Nelly!

That being said...

Oi!

"Oi!" is the sound my kidneys made yesterday morning as they kickboxed each other while I tried casually walking around the Flea market with Ashley.

I only made one flea market purchase, a book about art from 1890-1980. Lots of my most recent obsession, Paul Klee.

Yesterday morning was dreary, overcast and gray. By the time I woke up from my post-shopping nap, the day was brilliant and gorgeous. Too bad I felt too crappy to venture outside. Today, however is a different story. It is once again a beautiful day, and I'm getting ready to visit my parents, where hopefully my dad and I will get into some woodworking.

It's too nice to spend hunched over my computer.

Drunkedy Drunk Drunk! Kinda.

New friends rock, old friends rock like quartz.

I miss Bobi! And damn if that isn't difficult to spell after about 6 mimosas.

Dammit. Typing. Hard.

More than anything, I miss cigarettes.

*sigh*

[EDIT] This morning I was awakened by my liver slapping me. HARD.

Where is that drum I need to bang all day?

I refuse to start getting ready for work until I've finished my cup of thick and muddy, aka coffee. *sluuuuuuurp*

I told Tara last night that we both need to get out of the house a little more. Not that we live together, but we might as well. We are the two gossipy old ladies who live on every street. There was a conversation involving a dog a few nights ago:

Tara: Did you hear a dog barking across the street today?
Me: This morning? I heard it. I peeked through the blinds and saw one sitting on the porch of the green house.
Tara: Was it tied up?
Me: I don't think so...you know I'd call animal control if someone left a dog tied up outside in the rain! I'd call them in a heartbeat!
Tara: So would I!
Me: ::pause:: You realize that we're the nosy old women on this street don't you?
Tara: And we call the cops on people all the time?
Me: Yeah, well, that's more of a necessity at times.
Tara: Speaking of, who are all those kids at Paulette's house all the time???
Me: I was going to ask YOU.

And this goes on all night. It gradually dissolves into talking about people we know, people we work with, and somehow it all comes back to talking about Matthew Fox, and weather or not he's a 'tender lover'. She seems to think he is, I favor that he's a freak between the sheets, so we'll just have to agree to disagree. But I love the little idiosyncrasies between friends. How you interact with each other has a rhythm. And it's different for all of them isn't it? I know when I call Ashley (or when she calls me) we have our little ritual of her calling me a nerd for a few minutes before we start our conversation. And I love that! I wouldn't want to change that ever! Or how when Crystal and I go pig out on Mexican food we take the first few minutes to talk about how unenthusiastic the waiters are. And why is that? And If I should happen to have the rare, joyful occasion of hanging with both Crystal and Ashley at the same time...It ususally starts with me making inappropriate comments in front of Ash's kids and then clapping my hand over my mouth before I can say "Oh SHIT, Ashley, I'm sorry!"

And then everyone laughs. It's a good time.

So tell your friends you love them! They were there for you when you were awkward, lonely, sad, too drunk to see, or going through your bi phase before you went all-out gay.

I would be nowhere without mine, so thanks guys! I love you!

P.S. Do you realize that in two weeks I'll be freezing my ass off in MN? Do you? I can't wait! Squee!

::blows kisses towards Bobi's general direction::

You know I had to throw that shit in there. How could I not?