Spike.

Who's your male Buffy soul mate?
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Your Daddy Is Dick Cheney

What You Call Him: Papito Why You Love Him: He gives good spankings

Who's Your Daddy?

you are The Art Bar!
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What Columbia Bar are You?
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I feel no wiser

If Crystal was here right now, I'd get her to take a picture of my swollen lower lip with her camera phone. It's just randomly swollen. I guess it's from my wisdom tooth which is bound & determinded to break throught today.

Nothing like having a mysteriously swollen lip and randomly tasting blood all day.
Fun!

As I get Older...

Things just seem to get more randomly upsetting. The series finale of Six Feet Under had me bawling, I came in to work today and my boss says one thing that has me boo-hooing for an hour. I need a vacation, but one preferably without Troy. Because that is no vacation to me, that's just stress in a different zip code. Maybe what I need is a regiment, a routine. Exercise, facials, manicure, reading complex literature.

Yeah right. Battlestar Gallactica is on, pass the cheetos.

Out of Commission

Been sort of Lost in Diaryland this summer. With so much going on at work and at home I haven't been posting on any forums, visiting any quirky websites, or doing any kind of crafting lately.
My boyfriend is about to turn 33 and last night we had "the talk" as in "should we work it out or call it quits" talk. Why is it that the only time he talks like a mature, reasonable adult is when I'm thinking about leaving him? We decided to give it one last push, but we are definitely changing a thing or two. Will it work out this time? Who knows, all you can do is brace yourself and hope for the best.

Work has been extrememly busy and hectic, I've barely had time for myself or anyone. Our once-empty offices (inhabited for a time by only myself) is now filled with furniture, successories (bleah) and people. I've been given more responsibilites, or rather, my responsibilites have been more streamlined. I come in some days at 7:00 am and sometimes don't leave until nearly 7:00 p.m. Just please don't make me salaried!!!

In the few hours of the day that I do have to myself away from work, I've tried to spend it with my friends. Unfortunately I haven't gotten much time to spend with Ash & Crystal, and that's something I intend to rectify. (Hee! Rectify!) One unfortunate side affect of hanging with (some) of your girlfriends is a tendancy to girlie beer, aka Woodchuck draft Cider, which leads to me smoking WAY too much for someone that quit over a year ago. So I'm on the patch now..and let me say those bastards who advertise this thing need to let you know how freaking annoying the little fucker can be. First it itches, BADLY, then comes the dull throbbing pain that lasts about 24 hours until it's time to apply the patch in a new spot for all new discomfort. Am I rambling? Maybe a side effect of having nicotine infused into my bloodstream through my skin.

Oh! And i got a new haircut & color, it looks great, Hopefully I'll have some pics to post soon.

Official Survivor Congratulations! You scored 82%!

Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 66% on survivalpoints

Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

What did you expect?

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

And...

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Life paralells TV...Oh Boy!

Anyone who was as obsessed with Carnivale as I was might agree. First we thought Scudder was good. Then we found out that Scudder was evil. And not just evil, he was EEVVIILL. Well, the stray kitty (who about a year ago I aptly named...Scudder) whose leg I so nobly paid $185 to have fixed I once thought was good, but as it happens is Evil. EEVVIILL. Or just bored. She has clawed off the screen from my porch and eaten about three inches of the laundry room door. I guess the Purina adult formula is lacking the fiber she needs. Now If only I could be stranded on an Island with Sayid from Lost and Kyle (shirtless, of course) from The 4400.

I've got a date...

With Chris Martin. Sept. 9th in Charlotte. BACK OFF GWYNETH!!!

Me and My Guy...

are SO Broke right now. We have a stray kitty who pretty much lives on our front porch (Name: SCUDDER). Last night Troix noticed that her back leg was incredibly mangled, so we rushed her to the vet, dropped $185 on a vet bill and have a very pissed-off cat on our back porch.

Don't try to help, you'll just make it worse.

Series Everyone Should Read At Least Once

1. Dune Chronicles - Frank Herbert. And I DO mean FRANK Herbert. Not his not-quite-as-talented son, Brian. There are six books in the Dune Chronicles. The First is simply Dune, and if you can get past all the fake histories and quotes it's pretty cool. There are mind-reading Witches, Fat Scabby Barons, First Love, Giant Worms and many mentions of the word "Womb" which may or may not appeal to you. The other books are, in order, Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, God Emperor of Dune, Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse:Dune. The last 3 books in particular I love because they are so mind-numbingly brilliant. For example, the timeline: The first 3 books take place within a span of Fifty to Seventy years. Then when you jump into book 4 the story picks up some Ten Thousand years in the future. That one in particular makes me wish my head would explode it's so complex. But then you get into Heretics and realize that yet another Ten thousand or so years have passed. Herbert passed away before he could really get started on what was supposed to be the seventh and rumor has it, last installment of the Dune Chronicles. Since then his aforementioned son has been writing prequels to the his Father's work. They're readable, but lack the wonderful layers of Religion, Intrigue, Philosophy and action of the Originals.



2. Harry Potter J.K. Rowling. Everyone with eyeballs has been inundated with a constant barrage of Harry Potter commercials, merchandise, movies, and 40-year olds dressed up in Robes at the Movie premiers. (Scary). And yes, the movies are great, the movies rock, We love the movies. But seriously consider reading the books. What I love Rowlings in-progress opus is the writing and the story develop as the characters age. The first installment, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone, reads like a kiddy book. Because Harry is a kid. With every book, Harry grows up a little more, and the story gets a little bit darker, a little bit moodier, a bit more dangerous. Stephen King is a self-proclaimed lover of the series, and said he reads them because they're well written "and just fun." If you've been living in a cave for the last 7 or so years the other Books in the Harry Potter series are Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix. Better read them all now because Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out July 16th.



3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy - Douglas Adams. I can not say enough about this series. It's smart, hilarious, and always just a little bit English. I love these books from Cover to cover! I love that there is a whole planet inhabited by a "Hyperintelligent Shade Of Blue", that there is a Restaurant at The End of The Universe, where the cow comes to your table and says "What part of me will you be having tonight? I've got a lovely Flank!" Not to mention manic depressive robots, guys with 2 heads, Babel fish, living mattresses, dolphins, mice, and improbability drives. The other books in the series are The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, The Universe, and Everything, So Long, And Thanks for All the Fish and Mostly Harmless.



4. The Books Of The Art Clive Barker. "The Art" here being the ability to manipulate Time and Space, the ultimate Goal of two Very flawed men in The Great And Secret Show - The First Book of The Art. It starts off with the Jaffe and Fletcher, two trying to attain The art, or at least the secret to the art, and progresses there to being disembodied and astrally impregnating four teenage girls. Yeah, you read that right. Barker writing is always so lusty and disturbing, but it's his heroes that stand out. My favorite being Tesla Bombeck, who also plays a major role in Everville, the second Book of the Art. Barker's premise is that there is a whole world behind the world we live in, and it's a place that's holy and sacred and very dangerous. There is an Ocean called Quiddity, some very evil things called the Iad, a guy who lives in a time loop in Trinity, NM moments before the bomb dropped. Only with Barker can Armageddon start in the Dead Letter Office in Omaha, and a lake that never existed fall from the sky. "Succinctly put," says Barker, "it's about Hollywood, sex, and Armageddon."



5. The Dark Tower - Stephen King. If you're wondering, yes it is based on Browning's "Childe Roland to The Dark Tower Came". King started this Epic and totally Frigging Awesome series in 1978, as a collection of short stories which would later be bound as a novel titled The Gunslinger. The first books starts off with one of the most memorable and badass first lines of all time. "The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed". That's all it took to reel me in. Hook, line, and sinker. The story follows Roland, a kind of knight, the last heir to the throne of Eld (King's version of King Arthur) trying to hunt down the wizard who knows the way to The Dark Tower. Kings mythology surrounding the Tower itself is based on the idea that reality is layered, that behind one World (or Reality or Dimension, whatever you prefer) there lies many, many others. The Dark tower is the linchpin that holds all realities in place. Roland comes to the aid of Jake, a young boy who died in our world but awoke to find himself alone in Roland's. I don't want to give too much away but Jake gets the most brutal bible lesson ever. Roland finally does catch up with the Man in Black, and they have a conversation that lasts for many years (I can't quite recall the number, I think someone once said Ten and someone else said a hundred, but don't take my word for it). Book 2, titled The Drawing of The Three starts off right where the first book left off, with Roland aged many years after only one night, his course set for the Tower. He "draws" from our world Eddie Dean, a young man with a monkey on his back, and Susannah Holmes, a beautiful wheelchair bound woman with an alter ego more dangerous than Roland bargained for, Detta Walker. In Book 3, The Waste Lands, the band of Gunslingers find themselves in the ruins of Lud, a crumbling city not very different from New York, and on board Blaine the Mono, a psychotic train which takes them over land too poisoned to cross. Book 4, Wizard and Glass is Roland's much-anticipated backstory, which gives readers a chance to see Young Roland and his doomed love with the beautiful Ranch girl Susan Delgado. It's this story that gives the clearest insight into Roland, who is not always a lovable (or even likeable) character. It would be too much for me to delve into the other three books, but trust me when I say that The Dark Tower series is King's truest and most poingnant work, and a not-small obsession of mine since the day I picked it up.

I should totally be working right now.

But can't make myself, for some reason. Usually I show a teensy bit of motivation to get the Eff out of here before 8 p.m., but today I just can't muster it. Maybe it's because of an order I nearly screwed up friday, which my "I'm totally hip" boss thought I did screw up. Now, because I caused him to be "Unduly stressed out over the weekend", I have to unpack all these frigging boxes of Toner.

I can't wait until my furniture refinishing business takes off.

We went to visit my brother in Knoxville TN this weekend, which was fun. The part that was NOT fun was the part where we driving through the mountains at night and my windshield wiper kept trying to fly off. Brushes with death...not something I recommend.

When Wit Eludes You

For some reason I made Feburaury my "Take Pills and be Groovy" month, which is so wierd since I'm not at all into drugs. Needless to say I'm still reeling from THAT month. The good part is, I took all my valium so I won't be tempted to take more. Yay!

Once a month I get together with some of my friends and we have a "girls night". I won't even elaborate on how mad they all got when I rephrased it to Golden Girls Night. Apparently they didn't see the humor. I think it's perfect! I would totally be Dorothy (the mean one), Ash would be Blanche (the, um, 'friendly' one) Crys would be Rose (the sweet one) and CS would be Sofia (the batty one).

What other TV foursomes could we be, I wonder?

How about Seinfeld?

I feel Like I'm Jerry (Sarcastic One) Ash is George (The One that Worries) Crys is Elaine (the Always Caught Off Guard One) and CS is Kramer (The One That is Totally Dramatic) Damn! This is Hard!

Okay, Let's Try it with Buffy.

Obviously, I would like to be Buffy. Who wouldn't? But for GP I'm taking Buffy out of the picture. Instead we'll do sidekicks.
Me= Anya (smartass, clueless)
Crys=Willow (takes a LOOONG time to get a punchline)
Ash=Giles (Good Comebacks, out of character lingo)
CS=Xander (Notice how she's always the goofy one?)

The Top 20 (For Now)

My Current Top 20 Songs right now:

1. Not for all the love in the world - The Thrills
2. Pinback - Loro
3. American Idiot - Green Day
4. Classic Art Showcase - And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
5. Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani feat. Eve
6. Don't Leave the Light On Baby - Belle & Sebastian
7. Disposable Parts - Enon
8. Girls of Wild Strawberries - Guided by Voices
9. New Slang - The Shins
10. I Who Have Nothing - Ben E. King
11. Henry Lee - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
12. A Cautionary Song - The Decemberists
13. Crowning - Toad the Wet Sprocket
14. Pick Up The Change - Wilco
15. Get Right - Jennifer Lopez (shut up)
16. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - Postal Service
17. Child is the Father of the Man - Brian Wilson
18. Never Gonna Fall In Love Again - Snow Patrol
19. Lets Get Lost - Elliott Smith
20. A Hundred Stories - Aloha

Who Cried More? Me or the Delivery Guy?

How much of a turd am I that I made the Thai-Food delivery guy cry? It's not my fault that the bastards that numbered these buildings saw slightly better than Lodz! I just kept yelling into the phone "Eight oh NINE, DAMMIT!!!". And then as I walked out into the parking lot to punch the poor guy, I noticed that the building across the street is 809. I turned around and looked at my building, just to be sure. 809. And no, they aren't 809 Main and 809 Church, they are BOTH 809 Church. No frigging wonder we keep getting other people's mail. By the time he got here, my Thai food was cold, and the delivery guy was cying. I started crying too, I hurt his feelings!
Contrary to what my ex-husband might think, I do care about people. I don't want for anyone to be hurt, and the thought that I could make someone else shed tears...ugh. I should just stick to talking about TV, it's not nearly so emotionally taxing.

*******************

So my friend Carla is having one of those tupperware parties tonight that I'm obliged to go to. Except instead of Tupperware, they're selling dildos. Is that the proper spelling of dildo, plural? Or is it dildoes? No, that's not right. Maybe it should be Dildi. Hee! That'd put a new spin on things! Apparantley these things are pretty popular and the people who broker the Dildi do pretty well. They have to be careful in our super-uptight bible belt state though. They can't sell Dildi that don't expressly say on the box "Novelty Item" or they could go to prison. Prison! What a rap sheet that would make! I doubt I'll actually purchase any Dildi though, not when there are good drinks to be had with my money. I can just see myself now, halfway through the "Novelty Item" presentation, somewhere between stifiling giggles and looking at my watch. "Okay, okay, enough of the throbbing cocks, when can I go?"

Attacking the internet, one Blog at a time.

For some reason I'm thinking Blogger is going to be better than Diaryland and Livejournal. I suppose it's good I'm starting this in the positive.
I was telling my good friend Kim about some old home movies my dad put on DVD for me. I was about Twelve years old, and my dad was filming me and my younger brother playing with puppies in the back yard. I don't know how my twelve-year-old self missed it, but my dad was smoking a joint the whole time he was filming. My childhood must have been way cool. At one point in the video, my mother is attempting humor and says something like "All hands to the bridge, Mr. Solo." and you can hear 12-year-old me in the background go "Mom, it's Mister SULU. GAH!".
There it was, preserved for an undisclosed number of years, proof of my nerdiness.
So that's basically be in a nutshell. I read SciFi (and yes, even the occasional Fantasy series), am obsessed with Law & Order, Television Without Pity, and apparantely blogging. I have cats, not dogs, a mac and a job that lets me sort of coast through the day making pictures in Photoshop of me getting a big kiss from David Boreanaz. Oh, and I enjoy the occasional run-on sentance. Can you tell my major was English? On a side note, I've sort of got a jones to read another Neal Stephenson book, I liked Snow Crash so much. Should I start with Cryptonomicon or go right to Quicksilver?